Have you ever replayed a conversation long after it has finished, wondering whether you said the wrong thing, whether somebody seemed different with you, whether you made the right decision, or whether there is something important you have missed? You think about it once, then again, then from another angle, and somehow, rather than feeling clearer, you end up feeling even less certain than when you started.
Anxiety and overthinking often go hand in hand. When something feels uncertain, uncomfortable or important, our minds can start searching for an answer that will finally allow us to relax. The difficulty is that some things simply do not come with the level of certainty anxiety is looking for, so the thinking continues.
What overthinking can feel like
Overthinking does not always look like sitting quietly and thinking about the same thing for hours. Sometimes it can look like mentally replaying a conversation and analysing somebody’s tone, facial expression or choice of words. It might mean repeatedly checking a message before sending it, then rereading it afterwards and wondering how it might have been interpreted.
You might research something far beyond the point of having enough information to make a decision, ask several people for reassurance, or make a choice only to immediately start questioning whether the other option would have been better. Sometimes it is focused on the past: Why did I say that? Sometimes it is about the future: But what if this happens? And sometimes it is an attempt to work out what another person might be thinking: Are they annoyed with me? Did I do something wrong?
From the outside, it can be easy to say, “You’re thinking about it too much.” From the inside, though, it often does not feel optional. It can feel as though your brain is trying very hard to solve something.
Why anxiety looks for certainty
Anxiety tends to dislike uncertainty. If your brain believes that something could potentially go wrong, it may try to protect you by gathering more information, predicting every possible outcome and preparing for what might happen. In small amounts, this can be useful. Thinking ahead helps us plan, reflecting on previous experiences can help us learn, and considering different options can help us make decisions.
The difficulty comes when the goal quietly changes from “I’d like to think this through” to “I need to know for certain that nothing will go wrong.” That is a much harder task. There are very few situations in life where we can have complete certainty. We cannot always know how somebody feels about us, we cannot guarantee that we have made the perfect decision, and we cannot know exactly how a future event will unfold.
We also cannot go back and inspect a past conversation closely enough to discover exactly what everybody involved was thinking. But anxiety can keep trying anyway. The next thought feels as though it might contain the answer. The next bit of research might finally settle things. One more check might make you feel safe. Sometimes it does – briefly – and then another doubt appears.
Why repeatedly analysing something rarely settles it
One of the frustrating things about overthinking is that it often starts because we want to feel better. We are not deliberately trying to make ourselves more anxious. Usually, we are trying to reach a point where our brain says, “There. We’ve worked it out. Everything is okay now.” But repeatedly analysing something can sometimes have the opposite effect.
Imagine receiving a fairly ordinary message from somebody: “Okay, speak later.” Initially, you might think nothing of it. Then your mind notices something. They usually use an emoji. So you reread the message. Perhaps they seem annoyed. You read the previous messages. Nothing obvious happened. You start mentally checking your last conversation. Maybe you said something wrong.
You consider sending another message. You ask somebody else what they think. They tell you it looks completely normal, and you feel better for ten minutes. Then the thought returns: But what if they didn’t notice the tone I noticed?
The original uncertainty has not actually changed. What has changed is the amount of attention being given to it. When we repeatedly treat a thought as though it urgently needs solving, our brain can begin to assume that the thought must be important.
Overthinking can therefore become a cycle: uncertainty creates anxiety, anxiety creates more thinking, and the increased thinking creates even more things to feel uncertain about.
Overthinking, overwhelm and neurodivergence
For some neurodivergent people, particularly autistic people and those with ADHD, there can be additional layers to overthinking. This does not mean that neurodivergence automatically causes anxiety or overthinking – everyone is different – but certain experiences can make uncertainty particularly difficult.
You may have spent years consciously analysing social situations because reading other people’s intentions does not always feel automatic. Perhaps you have previously misunderstood something, been misunderstood yourself, or discovered afterwards that there had been an unspoken expectation you were apparently supposed to know. Experiences like these can understandably lead to more checking: Did they mean what they said? Was there another meaning underneath it? Was I supposed to respond differently?
For somebody with ADHD, there may also be several competing thoughts happening at once. Your mind might jump rapidly between possibilities, memories and imagined outcomes, each one creating another thread to follow. Overwhelm can make this harder too. When you are already tired, overstimulated, stressed or emotionally stretched, it may become much more difficult to step away from a thought.
Something that might normally feel manageable can suddenly become enormous. There can also be a tendency to judge yourself for this: Why can’t I just let things go? Why am I making such a big deal out of this? But adding self-criticism to an already anxious mind rarely creates calm. Often, it simply gives you something else to analyse.
Gentle ways to interrupt the cycle
Stopping overthinking is rarely as simple as telling yourself to “stop thinking about it.” If anything, trying to force a thought away can make you notice it even more. It may be more helpful to begin recognising what is happening and noticing when thinking has stopped being useful problem-solving and has started becoming an attempt to create certainty.
You might begin by gently naming the pattern: “I’m looking for certainty again.” You could ask yourself whether there is actually anything new to discover, or whether you are going through the same evidence again. If you have already checked, researched or asked somebody about something several times, another check may only offer temporary relief rather than a real answer.
It can also help to give your brain somewhere else to go. A familiar activity, something sensory, movement, music, a game, crafting or another absorbing task can sometimes help create a little distance. Sometimes the most uncomfortable but useful response is simply, “I don’t know yet.”
You can also try approaching the thought with curiosity rather than criticism. Instead of asking, “Why am I doing this again?” you might ask, “What am I feeling uncertain or frightened about underneath all this thinking?” The aim is not to eliminate thoughts or become somebody who never worries. It is to begin recognising the point where thinking stops helping and starts feeding the anxiety.
How counselling can help with anxiety and overthinking
Counselling is not about somebody telling you to stop worrying, think positively or simply let things go. There may be very understandable reasons why your mind has learned to analyse situations so closely. Perhaps being prepared has helped you feel safer. Perhaps you have experienced criticism, unpredictability or misunderstanding. Perhaps you have spent years feeling as though everybody else received a handbook for social situations that you somehow missed.
Or perhaps life currently feels uncertain, and your brain is simply doing everything it can to find something solid to hold onto.
Counselling can offer space to explore what happens underneath the overthinking. Rather than only focusing on how to make the thoughts disappear, we can become curious about what they are trying to protect you from. What feels frightening about not knowing? What happens when you cannot predict somebody else’s response? What would it mean if you made the “wrong” decision? And whose expectations are you trying to meet?
Sometimes, when there is space to understand the anxiety rather than fight against it, the thoughts can begin to feel less powerful. You do not have to arrive at counselling knowing exactly what the problem is. You do not need to explain everything perfectly. And you certainly will not be graded on how well you do therapy.
At Brambleside Counselling, I offer person-centred counselling in a warm, neurodivergent-friendly space where you can talk things through at your own pace. No judgement. No pressure. No expectation that you should already know the answers.
Sometimes we can simply start with: “My brain won’t switch off, and I don’t know what to do with it.”
And that is more than enough to begin.